At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
