some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
