I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize