i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize