i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
