so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
