I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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