WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
