I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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