Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
