Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My penis needs a shock collar
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
