i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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