he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
