Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The uberlube is also flammable
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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