No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My bed smells like the plague
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
