now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize