I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize