wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
