thus making me awesome and them whores
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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