Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
