Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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