I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
