so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
