I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think people are normalizing furries
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
