Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
