I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
