I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
