i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
