Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
