I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
