By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
