Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
