what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
