We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
