Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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