Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
