Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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