so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
