Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
