I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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