Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize