if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
