and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
