Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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