this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
