I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
