so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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