Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize