well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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