omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
