I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
