Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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