I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We named our party play list daddy issues
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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