Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
