There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
