How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize