Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
