Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
