somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
