I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
that may or may not have been my penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
