I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
