bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
