Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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