the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
