Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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