So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
