I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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