it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
