a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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