i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't deserve a penis
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
