I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
