I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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