did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there is glitter all over my balls
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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