Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
