i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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