I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
