just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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