Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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