I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
