Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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