the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
