Tell her she can't have a vagina
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize